he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize