can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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