we have pet lesbian snakes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
