just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
