I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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