shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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