dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's Friday. Sex?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
