I CAN MOONWALK!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
