i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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