Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
