She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
