Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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