get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
