Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
