Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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