smell my finger.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
