I want to stick my p in your. b.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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