you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
