are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
