And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
