i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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