i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
