I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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