he puts the penis in happiness.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
