I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
