come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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