He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
