I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My life is pants optional.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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