dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
