My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
