dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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