after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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