I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize