Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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