There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
