you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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