I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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