TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
