Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
