i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
