Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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