the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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