clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
