hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
