I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize