Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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