i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
tell me about the eggs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize