I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
