i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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