i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just threw up on my dentist
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
