the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
