I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
