I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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