The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
