there's paper in my vomit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
