So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So gin and wine won't be happening again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
