dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
