4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
