My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
