So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
