the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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