You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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