and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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