I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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