i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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