Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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