party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
