chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
