Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
